It Was More A Comedy

It was Senior year when I was forced to watch the first movie multiple times.  It was always on HBO and for some strange reason, we would always have to watch it.  Our friend, Achies, was obsessed with it, and it would be on our TV every time he was over.  Then Family Guy did a great rendition of it, and they too found the movie to be just as absurd as I thought it to be.  Recently, the sequel came out and as a treat, cable TV thought it would be a good idea to play the first one.  I’d like to personally thank FX for replaying the movie over and over again.  The first movie became a key piece to our (Gabriella, Jenny and myself) friendship with Achies that it was only appropriate that we would all have to watch the sequel together after three years.  The worst thing is that it was a pretty good movie, for a comedy rather than a suspense thriller.  I’ll have Peter explain the better version of Taken.

Taken:

Let’s talk about the first movie and focus on key points.

  1. I get that Liam Neeson’s character, Bryan Mills, is a control freak and was busy being a CIA agent somewhere. However, for a guy who’s job is dependent on DETAILS, shouldn’t he have known that his 17-year old wanted a horse instead of a measly karaoke machine?  When I was 17, I wasn’t having an extravagant garden party with horses and such.  I was trying to get drizzy with my friends.  (I know, CSB: Cool story bro.)
  2. Kim, his daughter, is probably the WGE.  Not only is she lame with her garden parties with horses, she is also the worst runner!  She actually ran like she was a chicken with her head cut off.  Like she’s a pretty girl, but her running just made her look like she was a GD jackass.  I understand that they were trying to preserve her innocence until she gets “taken”, but showing her run like a fool was not the way to go. 
  3. As Bryan works as a body guard for a singer, he saves her… shocking. She was so grateful that she agreed to “tutor” her on singing.  That’s all great, just keep that in mind for the points I am going to make further down.
  4. So, Kim and her friend go to Paris to follow U2 around, but of course, her blonde, slutty friend wanted to talk to this Albanian guy and share a cab.  Of course, she couldn’t have him leave without knowing that they will be staying there all alone.  And her initial reaction after entering the loft is to perform vigorous dance moves to horrible music.  I am pretty sure after hours on a plane, I either would want to rest or have a drink. Well, she got hers.  Girl got abducted and then overdosed or something.  Not to worry, Bryan saw her, but didn’t think to do anything about it or tell her poor parents.
  5. The fight scenes were a bit overdone.  How is a 60+ guy able to take down so many heads?  Furthermore, how can he beat up so many people by wailing his arms about?  He never actually moves his feet.  I don’t blame him. He’s an oldie.
  6. The last thing I have to point out is the end.  But of course, he saves his daughter. Lenore, his ex, is overjoyed.  She awkwardly runs to her mom in the airport with no post traumatic-ness. Wouldn’t you think after being abducted, heavily sedated with drugs, sold as a virgin sex slave, she would feel some emotion other than running like a child?  I would need extensive therapy after that.  Shoot, I had one traumatic experience in my life, which is nothing like Kim’s abduction, and I went to therapy for a year.  But of course, meeting a pop-star who agreed to tutoring her singing fixed her. She was back to running like a clown once again.

That’s the first movie. Recently, the second one came out. After not seeing Achies in ages, we decided to do a little reunion and watch the movie together.  And  he was super stoked to see this movie.  I, on the other hand, knew it wasn’t going to be good. However, it was a good movie… for a comedy.  We laughed so hard that tears were rolling down our eyes.  Here are some funny, memorable moments:

  1. When Bryan and Lenore were “taken”, he used a tactic which basically sounded like bad rap by Will Smith.  That was about 10 minutes of the movie.  How can you not laugh at that?
  2. Then, when the bad guys were looking for the daughter, one of the guys shot a random person and then proceeded to state the obvious to his partner in crime. He pointed and said, “I shot that guy” in Albanian.
  3. SPOILER ALERT!: When he finally killed EVERYONE by swinging his arms everywhere, he finally meets the mastermind and they have at it. Conveniently enough, there was a stage-like platform for this fight in this random building. Then finally, the way he kills this guy is by just delicately pushing his head against a ceramic wall.  I am being dead-ass.  There were no spikes or jagged edges, but somehow he died.

Well that’s my take on Taken and Taken 2. If you want a good laugh, check it out.

On aside :: I’ve been really getting back into old R&B songs, especially ones on the Montell Jordan’s Pandora.  Here’s a classic that makes me just want to dance… “Save the Last Dance” style.

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