Check dem out…

A few months ago, a group of us went to Atlantic City. It was for a co-worker’s birthday (21st birthday… trying to live it up like an out of control teen: one who is in their 20s but is in denial.) I was very much excited. I wanted to witness first hand what type of drunk they were, and boy was I surprised! The quiet girl turned out to be a dirty dancer, more like a video vixen. The boy who barely speaks, sent out crazy texts. There were a good number of people who couldn’t handle their liquor, but hey, it’s AC. Live it up baby!

After a night of dancing and gambling, sleeping for three hours, we decided to go to breakfast. Of course, at the time I thought it was smart idea to drink mimosas. Yikes! I think I was drinking to speed up the process of breakfast.

I was formally introduced to an interesting mate the night before. He was a friend of a friend. Let’s call him Scott. I say interesting to be nice, but really he was the biggest toolbag I have ever met. The sad part is I don’t think he means to come off the way that he does. Scott speaks without thinking and thinks I am laughing with him, but in reality,  I am laughing at him. He is harmless but just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was the jeans he wore that irked me, or the rosary beads with a cross he wore as a fashion statement. Oh by the by, he is Jewish.

I told my girl, Lynda, that I would drive her home to SI. Lynda was a co-worker who I became very close with very quickly. She is easy to get along with and just gets my humor. Obviously, her mindset was the same as mine was when it came to Scott. WTH!!! (“What the H”) After a discussion about his toolbag-ness, we came to the topic of his jeans while driving home.

Lynda and I started to discuss male fashion choices and that is what I would like to share. A big shout out to my SI honey bunny for this one!

Jeans. So simple but so complex. Men have it easy. Wear a nice pair of jeans and a nice shirt and call it a day. Of course, it isn’t that easy. Men, like women, think about what they are going to wear. I know I am going to have those who will say that they don’t care and wear whatever is lying on the floor. But let’s be honest, they don’t have a floor dedicated to men’s clothing for no reason. They have choices as well.

I want to discuss specifically about JEANS. Like men, women need something look at. A nice pair of denim that forms perfectly at the right spots never hurt anybody. I am speaking for myself when I say this. Some can relate, others are going to say they can’t but truth be told, it happens. When I meet a guy for the first time, my eyes immediately dwindles down to their crotch. If I have a view of their backside, I am more concerned about their booty. Much cannot be said if they aren’t wearing the proper jeans to flatter such things. So here are our theories on men and their jeans.\

Jorts (Jean Shorts):

WTH are you thinking? Are we in the 90’s?

Guys who wear jorts have their mothers shop for them. Clearly thinking they are in grade school.

Jorts should not exist. All should be burned in a nice ceremony.

If you are not a 50-year-old dad, jorts should not be in your wardrobe.

Top it off: If you find a man in their 20s/30s wearing jorts and a wife beater, there is no help for them.

High Waisted, Short pants (Dad pants):

If a man is wearing pants that are too high on the waist or too short that it does not touch their “kicks”, they are holding on to their past.

They have not moved on or accepted that their lives changed.

Just because things in your life are different does not mean that you can’t keep up with the trends.

Tip for the future: Whomever I end up with, becoming a dad does not mean you have to wear dad pants. Keep that fine ass looking good.
Baggy Jeans:

Men wearing baggy jeans definitely means they have baggage from their past.

Like girls, the bigger the hair; the more secrets they have (Mean Girls). There may be a chance they have a baby somewhere floating around. Just sayin’.

Also, no one wants to see your Spongebob Square Pants boxers. Get a belt for goodness sake. Get pants that fit dude.

Wearing jeans that have the whisker pattern near the crotch area only says one thing, “Look at me now”.

It brings attention to an area that they are lacking in (most likely).

For a man well-endowed, no need for whiskers. Keep it for the imagination, my friend.

Assorted Pockets:

This was probably the reason I questioned Scott’s sexuality. He wore these jeans that could be women’s jeans. I was so enticed by the stitching of the pockets, that I didn’t notice his donkey.

As a woman, I am always curious what’s going on in those jeans. Embellished pockets distract me from what I am really thinking. Simple pockets can extenuate what you got. Let it ride out!

For those who are wearing rhinestones on your pants, that is not considered a metro sexual look. That just answers my question about your sexuality. So come out and own who you are. Plus, I am recruiting the BGE at the moment.  (BGE: Best Gay Ever; the gay who is always there for you and loves to dance. I have one who lives in the Bronx; Jimmy from the block.)

Last word: I want to stare at pant “pockets” because I am interested in their butt. Not because I am intrigued by the pattern of the stitching.

Distressed Jeans:

If you aren’t a construction worker or haven’t been mugged on the street there is no need for rips in your jeans.

This fad is the worst thing since Jersey Shore’s Snooki’s panty-less cart wheels.

If you aren’t fist pumping, rolling at a club or reliving the 90’s, you should not be wearing acid washed jeans or jeans that have “tears” as a fashion statement.

Tip: Don’t wear it if you are trying to be taken seriously.
The Perfect Jeans

I am a huge fan of the classic brand Levi’s. Like women, men come in all shapes and sizes. Finding the perfect jeans is hard to find. Different denim colors are definitely fun, as long as it looks good.

These are some good-looking jeans. Just the perfect amount of fabric to have some swag to your look. I am a huge fan of dark jeans, but they have some great colors, such as gray tones and lighter tones.

Now there’s enough room to put your package in them. Also, it will hold for any size and have people wondering what you’re packing. 😉

I am not a hater of the folding of the ends, but only do it if you can pull it off.

These jeans say, “Hey, I am a cool guy, just trying to hang out and drink some beers, and if you are toasty enough we can go to my place and talk about the thread count of my bed sheets.”

These are perfect jeans. There is enough fabric to get your cute behind in them. The stitching is simple yet nice. It draws the attention to that fine ass.

The length is perfect. It’s long enough to cover the back of your shoes and still be able to see the front. The “baggy-ness” is just right.

These jeans say, “Hey, I am a mature, confident person and I know these jeans are your drawing attention to my backside, but I am certain you will be pleased with what I am packing.”GOL. (GOL: Giggle out loud; when you find yourself giggling out loud.)

That’s all folks! Sorry for the delay. I had a few too many glasses of wine last night. I shall leave you with Ginuwine, In Those Jeans.


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Danielle Glick says:

    i’m soo loving this

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