I come to realize that I don’t exactly do normal things. When I eat Doritos, I crush them in the bag before. I have my own vocabulary that I like to use (noted in the other blogs). I don’t like odd numbers. However, I think this is the weirdest of them all. Many cannot understand why. I don’t fully understand myself. I can’t explain why I have this phobia, but all I know it’s always been there. I have a bathroom phobia. Even writing those words gave me the heebie jeebies. I want to explain further about this weird phobia.

When people enter my apartment for the first time I explain the rules of the bathroom. Sick right? Before “hello,” I lay down the law. The bathroom rules include:

1. Make sure the shower curtain is closed.
2. Make sure the toilet seat is down. (Like all the way down, with the cover down)
3. Make sure the bathroom door is shut at all times.

It isn’t that intense. However if one is not done right, I feel very uneasy so forget about more than one. For most of my friends, I have trained them well that they know what to do. There are some that do it purposely and tell me the toilet monsters are going to eat me. Jenny likes to threaten me by saying she is going to give me a swirly. I didn’t even know what that was until she told me. The bathroom is not something I like to think about. I am mentally disturbed by that word. (The T-Word)

If there are any signs of a bathroom on TV, I have to change to channel. If it’s in a movie, I forward through it. I hate T-cleaner commercials. I have a panic attack if I cannot find the remote to change the channel. I just recently watched “The Help.” A huge part of the movie was the bathroom. I was so disturbed by it that I couldn’t concentrate all that much on the story. (However, I did shed some tears… 8.5/10- Sabrina Stars.) I avoid parts of movies with people barfing because I know where they will have to do it. YUCK!

I told my therapist my issue. She asked if this is something I would like to change. I flat-out said NO. I am content living my life this way. Granted, it can become a health issue but I will take those risks. I don’t have good eye sight. I wear contacts most of the time. In order for me to use a bathroom, I usually remove my contacts/ glasses to avoid seeing anything I don’t want to. If I don’t have access to do that, I will not use the bathroom unless it’s an extreme circumstance. I will wait till I get home. You may think it’s impossible, but I have done it several times to the point my body is use to my work schedule.

When I go out, I have to be drunk to use a public bathroom. Honestly, I think my phobia is better than before. Freshman year of college, you were forced to use a community bathroom. I was mortified. I couldn’t do it. The first three months I was so depressed with the change that I went home every other day. In college, if I got sickly drunk I would barf in my bed than go into the bathroom to use the T. I know it’s disgusting, but I only did it like three times.

I have really bad memory but I do remember growing up my mom would make us close the bathroom door. It was only the bathroom door, not the other two rules I have come up with for my house guests. I think I take after my grandma. She wouldn’t go to the living room if the bathroom door down the hall wasn’t closed. My sisters are somewhat like me but I think I am the worst of them all.

I know this is not a common phobia, but for me it is a significant one. In the past, it has interfered with my social life. Junior year, I lived in a house with five other people. I would get pissed if my friends who lived on the first floor would use the bathroom that I used. This past summer, my friends and I rented a house in LBI. I was hesitant because we would have to keep the place clean ourselves, and everyone was more concerned about partying. This is why I like vacations where there is housekeeping everyday so I don’t have it in the back of my mind. I had a very bad nightmare about a T and one of my friends. I had such a bad panic attack that I had to go home to my apartment and stay somewhere that I knew was clean.  It seems like a petty issue, but for me it is so important. I am so irked by bathrooms that I have a house cleaner to clean the bathrooms.

Let’s leave it at that. I have this phobia and I don’t plan to fix it. If you ever wondered why I am weird about bathrooms, I don’t know myself so just accept my issue.